The Little Princess (A CATS parody!)
by Mandy of the Amoeba
Summary: Just what the title says, basically. The Jellicles get together to put on a parody of the movie, The Little Princess. I'm reposting this under a different category, since no one read it under Parodies...
1. The Little Princess (A CATS parody) - Ch...

Author's note: I don't really know why I wrote this…..it just came to me while watching Cats one afternoon, and I thought "Hey, it's something that hasn't been parodied yet (to my knowledge, that is.)" So…..here it is! Oh, yeah, the disclaimer. Cats belongs to ALW, The Little Princess belongs to....someone other than me. Blue text indicates out of character notes, black text is in character. Things in parenthesis are actions/stage directions/something else similar. Warning: This is stupid. It was MEANT to be stupid. So don't bother flaming me saying how stupid it is. Oh, yeah....Mez belongs to herself. *giggles*  
  
Cast-  
Sarah Crewe - Jemima  
Lavinia - Victoria  
Lavinia's groupies - Cassandra, Demeter   
Other students (Sarah's friends) - Bombalurina, Tantomile, Exotica  
Becky - Rumpleteazer  
Ermengarde - Electra  
Ermengarde's father - Old D  
Frances - Skimbleshanks  
Amelia Minchin - Jennyanydots  
Miss Minchin - Jellylorum   
Cook - Tumblebrutus  
Maya - Exotica  
Ravana - Macavity  
Princess Deitra - Demeter  
Prince Rama - Munkustrap  
Captain Crewe - Asparagus  
Ram Dass - Coricopat  
Mr. Barrow - Mistoffelees  
Lottie - Etcetera  
Charles Randolph - Gus   
John Randolph - Tugger  
Monsieur Dufarge - Bustopher Jones  
Woman selling flowers - Grizabella  
Her child - Mungojerrie  
Chimney sweep - Pouncival  
Police officers - Macavity, Mungojerrie, Admetus, Plato  
  
  
(The cats look over their parts, some of them pleased while others are acting very indignant. Many of them are mumbling something about double casting.)  
  
Jelly: Why do I have to be the villain?! I'm not a villainous type!  
  
Mandy: Well…it was either you or Jenny, since you two are the oldest, and you seem to fit the part better. Jenny's not quite as much of a..…what's the word…  
  
Tugger: Prude? *ducks as Jelly whaps him in the head*  
  
Mandy: Well, that's not really the word I was looking for…I think Jenny just smiles more or something. *leans in towards Jelly and whispers* Plus, she's kinda plump, and Amelia is supposed to be fat.  
  
Jenny: (offstage) I heard that!  
  
Victoria: *storms up, yelling* WHY do I have to be Lavinia? She's a snotty, two-faced, whiny little snob!!  
  
Etcetera: So what's your point?  
  
Victoria: *glares at her* I wouldn't talk if I were you, you play a screaming little six year old BRAT!  
  
(Both queens walk off, arguing over which role is brattier)  
  
Mandy: *blinks at them* Well. Now that that's over…anyone else have a problem with their part?   
  
Tugger: YES! I have, like, one line!  
  
Cats with speaking parts: LUCKY!  
  
Tugger: I mean, come ON! You really expect MOI to play a guy with no lines?  
  
Mandy: Would you rather me cast you as Amelia's boyfriend, the milkman?  
  
Jenny, Skimble and Tugger: NO!!  
  
Mandy: Fine then. Okay, NOW is everyone happy? *grumbling is heard, but no one says anything* Good. Let's get this show on the road!  
  
(Open in blackness. Jemima's voice can be heard coming from…somewhere.)  
  
Jemima: A long, long time ago-  
  
Pouncival: *sings* In a galaxy far away!  
  
Mandy: *blindly hits in the direction she thinks Pouncival is in*  
  
Old D: HEY! Watch it!  
  
Jemima: *clears her throat in an annoyed manner before continuing* ….there lived a beautiful princess in a mystical land known as India…  
  
(Lights come up to an exotic jungle scene. Munkustrap and Demeter are standing in a clearing, both wearing brightly colored silks. Munkustrap's fur has been dyed blue, causing much snickering to come from the cats backstage.)  
  
Munk: *mutters* I cannot BELIEVE she's making me do this….  
  
Jemima's voice: The princess Demtra was married to her handsome prince, Ramastrap  
  
All: RAMASTRAP?  
  
Mandy: You try combining Munkustrap with Rama!  
  
Jemima: *clears throat again* AS I was saying….they lived in a beautiful garden together, because Ramastrap had been banished by his jealous stepmother. One day, Demtra saw a wounded deer in the forest, and begged her prince to help it. Ramastrap drew a circle in the sand, and told her to stay inside it, for it would keep her safe from harm…  
  
Pouncival: Can we skip this part? I'm getting really, REALLY bored….  
  
Mandy: FINE. Okay, so he goes off to help the deer, she hears a cry in the forest, thinks it's her prince and goes to help, then she gets captured by a ten headed demon. NEXT SCENE!  
  
( 1914, a beautiful garden in India. Jemima is supposed to be splashing around in a pond while listening to Exotica tell her a story, but instead she's standing at least three feet away from the water.)  
  
Mandy: Jemima! Go! Splash!  
  
Jemima: NO! I'll get wet! Let's just skip to the end of this part, okay?  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Fine, fine…  
  
Jemima: *happily skips the water scene* Maya, do you know any real princesses?  
  
Exotica: *nods, smiling* All women are princesses. It is our right.  
  
(Skip to a large cruise ship, with Jemima and Asparagus standing out on the deck. Coricopat is in the background, watching them silently.)  
  
Jemima: Hey…didn't we skip a scene?  
  
Mandy: Shh, yes we did, but it's not important. We'll be skipping several scenes to save room….not to mention the fact that this isn't really that interesting of a parody…..now get back in character!  
  
Asparagus: *puts a locket around Jemima's neck* Here, Jemrah, I want you to have this. I gave it to your mother on our wedding night. *mutters* This is so corny…  
  
Jelly: Aww…I think it's sweet….*she gives Asparagus huge mushy eyes, causing him to turn red*  
  
Mandy: Will you two HUSH??  
  
Jemima: What did you love most about mother? *under her breath* And what kind of a name is Jemrah?  
  
Asparagus: I loved the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, like yours do. I loved the sound of her voice when she sang the Indian folk song.. *starts dancing with Jemi* But I think what I loved most….was dancing with her!  
  
(They dance for a moment, until Asparagus steps on Jemi's foot)  
  
Jemima: YOW! Okay, that's it, NEXT SCENE!  
  
(Front of a large, menacing, very ugly green building, with a sign by the door that says "Miss Minchin's Seminary for Young Queens". Jemima looks up at it and gulps slightly as they enter.)  
  
Jenny: *opens the door, smiling cheerfully in a dress the same color green as the building* Hello! You must be Captain Crewe! My sister will be down presently…..we were just preparing the young lady's room. *turns to Jemi* Your beautiful things arrived this morning.  
  
Asparagus: Thank you, uh….?  
  
Jenny: *realizes she didn't introduce herself* Oh, Heaviside! Amelia. Amelia Minchin.  
  
(They all laugh good-naturedly, until a voice coming from the top of the stairs causing them to stop suddenly)  
  
Munkustrap: Hey, hold on a second….why wasn't JENNY'S name changed to something weird and stupid??  
  
Mandy: *shrugs* I couldn't find a way to do it without getting REALLY confusing.   
  
Munku: As if Ramastrap isn't confusing enough….  
  
Mandy: Oh go away, you're not in this scene.  
  
Jelly: AHEM! *she gets back into character* Captain Crewe!  
  
(Jellylorum descends the stairs with a sort of "I'm better than you" smirk on her face. She gets nearly to the bottom before falling down the last three steps and landing flat on her face.)  
  
All: *burst into gales of laughter*  
  
Asparagus: *helps Jelly to her feet, still laughing*  
  
Jelly: *glares at everyone, but doesn't get out of character* *extends her paw to Asparagus* I'm delighted to meet you. And this must be little Jemrah! What a beautiful child.  
  
Jenny: I was just telling the Captain-  
  
Jelly: *cutting her off* Thank you, Amelia, that will be all. Now, Captain, if you'll just follow me….if I can WALK, I think I twisted my ankle…  
  
(The three of them walk (well, Jelly limps) down the halls of the building. Jellylorum drones out about classes and the school's reputation as she walks. Jemima follows, looking around, until she sees Rumpelteazer dressed in rags, mopping the floor.)  
  
Rumpelteazer: Whoi do OI have to be the servant goil?  
  
Mandy: Because you have a Cockney accent, and I can't imagine one of the girls who attend the school being Cockney. Now stop complaining. I could have just left you out entirely.  
  
Rumpelteazer: Tha' would 'ave suited me just FOINE!  
  
Jelly: *sternly* Come along, Jemrah. *steers her away from Rumpel*  
  
(They enter a classroom fill with queens, all of them wearing dresses the same color green as the house. Bustopher Jones is asleep at a desk in the front. Jelly clears her throat loudly. Bustopher wakes up, startled, and begins speaking in French as if he had never stopped the lesson.)  
  
Jelly: Excuse me, Monsieur Bufarge. Girls, I'd like you to meet our new student, Miss Jemrah Crewe.  
  
Queens: *chorus monotonously* Hello, Jemrah.  
  
Jelly: *smiles* You must tell them all about your exciting life in India! Now, Captain Crewe…  
  
(She leads Asparagus away, talking. Jemi looks at all the queens in the room, until her eyes fall on Victoria and Electra. Victoria is sitting behind Electra, dipping her tail in an inkwell while smiling smugly at Jemi.)  
  
Electra: *whining* Did we HAVE to use real ink? The end of my tail is going to be black for a week!  
  
Mandy: Electra, the end of your tail was black anyway. Hush.  
  
Jelly: *walks back over to Jemi and starts to take the locket from around her neck* We don't allow jewelry.  
  
Jemima: *clutches at the necklace* Please, can I just wear it in my room? On my free time?  
  
Jelly: *glances towards Asparagus* Well, if you insist….  
  
Jemima: I do.  
  
(The queens all gasp and start whispering. Victoria can plainly be heard whispering "She's going to get in SO much trouble…")  
  
Tugger: *yawns* Okay, can we just hurry this up so I can get my three second scene over with?  
  
Mandy: Fine, fine…but we have to at least do MOST of the goodbye scene…  
  
(Scene changes to a large bedroom full of things that are obviously from India. Asparagus is sitting on a windowseat overlooking the street.)  
  
Asparagus: I think I saw something over there on that chair for you  
  
Jemima: *goes over to the chair and picks up a beautiful little doll, gazing at it with rapture*  
  
Asparagus: Her name is Emily.  
  
Jemima: Emily! (She runs over to Asparagus, jumping in his lap. However, since Jemima isn't quite as young or as small as Sarah is really supposed to be, she knocks him over and they both end up in the floor.)  
  
Asparagus: Oof…okay…well….um…where were we?   
  
Mandy: *sighs wearily* Okay, let's just get to the end of this….  
  
Asparagus: *gets up and sits back on the windowseat* Whenever you hug Emily, you'll really be getting a hug from me. *he glances offstage to see several cats motioning for him to hurry it along* I have to go now, my love….and remember, you'll always be my little princess. *he stands and leaves*  
  
(Jemima sits by the window and watches a carriage take her papa away to fight in the war. Tears stream openly down her face.)  
  
Jemima: *tearful whisper* Papa….  
  
Queens and Pouncival: *all start bawling*  
  
Mandy: *shakes her head* Oy….next scene!  
  
(Scene changes to a long table. Queens are sitting on either side, with one side space and the two end spaces left empty. They're all talking about Jemrah.)  
  
Demeter: Did you see all of her TOYS?  
  
Bombalurina: I heard her father grows crackers or something. They're VERY rich. *mutters* CRACKERS?  
  
Tantomile: They MUST be, everyone I know eats crackers!  
  
Cassandra: Her father is British. I heard he's best friends with the King and Queen!  
  
Victoria: HA! Well, I heard that he got thrown OUT of India because people died from eating his poison crackers!  
  
Etcetera: Poison CRACKERS?  
  
Mezzy: I had an aunt once who died from poison string beans.  
  
Mandy: Hi Mez!!  
  
Demeter: Um….who's that?  
  
Mandy: That's Mez, friend of mine….I promised her a line in this parody.   
  
Victoria: Shut up, nobody cares about her!  
  
Mez: *thinks Vicky is referring to her* Hey!  
  
Victoria: I wasn't talking about YOU, I was talking about the aunt. Now can we PLEASE get on with this thing?  
  
(Jennyanydots bustles in and sits down at one end of the table, causing the girls to hush their gossiping. The scene changes to a hallway, where Jemima is standing looking at some pictures on the wall. She reaches up to touch one of the photographs)  
  
Jemima: Mama..  
  
Jenny: *without thinking* Yes dear? *suddenly realizes Jemima was speaking in character* Erm…sorry…  
  
Jelly: Jemrah! We are NOT accustomed to delaying everyone's breakfast for one student!  
  
Jemima: I'm sorry, Miss Minchin, but I found my mama's-  
  
Jelly: *sharply* You are NOT the only child here, Jemrah, you must remember that! *smiles as Bustopher Jones enters* Ah, bonjour Monsieur Bufarge! Jemrah, you will begin French lessons with Monsieur this afternoon.  
  
Jemima: Do I have to?  
  
Jelly: Why, Jemrah! You most certainly do! Now apologize to Monsieur this INSTANT for your rudeness!  
  
Skimbleshanks: Methinks Jelly is getting a bit too much into character..  
  
Tugger: What do you mean, into character? She's always like this!  
  
(Jellylorum glares at Tugger, but refuses to comment)  
  
Jemima: *looks at Jelly a moment, then turns to Bustopher and proceeds to give him an apology and an explanation in perfect French*  
  
Bustopher: Why, this child doesn't need to learn French! She practically IS French! She could help tutor the younger children….perhaps she could even help you with YOUR pronunciation, Miss Minchin. *turns away and begins wandering towards the dining room to avoid her glare* Are those sausages I smell?  
  
(The scene changes back to the dining room, with Jemima and Jelly at the table. Rumpelteazer is serving Jemima oatmeal.)  
  
Jemima: Thank you.  
  
(Small gasps can be heard from the girls, and everyone stops and stares at Jemima.)  
  
Jelly: Jemrah, there is NO talking at the table.  
  
Jemima: Just doesn't seem natural…  
  
Jelly: *gives her a cold look* I won't say it again.  
  
(The scene is ready to change. However, all the cats not onstage who have been serving as set crew are no where to be found.)  
  
Mandy: All right, WHERE did everyone go????  
  
Bombalurina: I think they got tired of so many scene changes and took a coffee break…  
  
(At the word "coffee", the remaining cats all thunder towards the outside of the theater.)  
  
Mandy: *calls after them* Be back in ten minutes! Oy….  



	2. The Little Princess (A CATS parody) - Ch...

A/N: Um...same as before. You know who owns what/who.   
  
The Little Princess: Part Two  
  
(The cats all file in reluctantly from their coffee break. Mezmarosy, better known as Mezzy, zooms through the door and then literally starts bouncing off the walls.)  
  
Mandy: Okay….WHO gave her the Mountain Dew?  
  
(Everyone points to Mungojerrie)  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Oh well, too late now….just get her out of here before she causes serious damage to herself, someone else, or the set.  
  
Mungojerrie: *leads a still-bouncing Mez outside by the arm, shutting the door behind her*  
  
Mandy: Okay…let's get on with this…  
  
(Scene changes to a classroom, with Jelly standing in the front. They're in the middle of a multiplication lesson.)  
  
Bombalurina: Seven times five is thirty-five.  
  
Demeter: Seven times six is forty-two.  
  
Tantomile: Seven times seven is forty-nine.  
  
Electra: Seven times eight is…..Fifty-eight…no….fifty four? Fifty five..?  
  
Jelly: *mockingly* Or seventy-two, or ninety-three, or twelve?  
  
Electra: *hangs her head* I'm sorry Miss Minchin….I studied for hours last night…  
  
Jelly: *sneers* I find that VERY hard to believe. And I'm sure your father will, too, once I write to him…  
  
Tugger: Sheesh…..this is just getting plain CRUEL…  
  
Mandy: Quiet, we're nearly done with this scene!  
  
Electra: Please, Miss Minchin, please don't tell him! I'll do better, I PROMISE.  
  
Jelly: *snidely* Valinia, you may continue.  
  
Victoria: Seven times eight is FIFTY-SIX.  
  
Pouncival: Valinia? Couldn't you have just left the name the way it was?  
  
Mandy: No. Now will you just HUSH and let the scene get finished for once?  
  
(The rest of the eight multiplication table can be heard in the background, but the main focus is Jemima looking at Electra with pity. A single tear runs down Electra's cheek, and she glances behind her at Jemima, who quickly averts her gaze.)  
  
Several cats: Awwww….  
  
Mandy: Oy…okay, SCENE CHANGE!  
  
(Scene is back up at Jemrah's bedroom. She is writing a letter to her father, looking out the window as she does so. She sees a man, his son, and his servant standing below…..at least, that's what she's SUPPOSED to see…)  
  
Mandy: WHERE THE HECK IS TUGGER??  
  
Tugger: *glances up at his name* Oh, CRAP, this is my scene, isn't it….  
  
Mandy: YES, you dolt, and you're not even in costume! The one scene I give you, and you blow it!  
  
Mistoffelees: I don't know what I'm doing this, but…*zaps Tugger into his costume* There.  
  
Tugger: Gee, thanks….*runs onstage to his place*  
  
(Okay, NOW Jemima sees a rich-looking man hugging his son, dressed in the same uniform as Captain Crewe, goodbye. Tugger climbs into a carriage.)  
  
Tugger: Goodbye, father…  
  
Gus: John….  
  
Tugger: Okay, that wasn't even worth getting into costume for. Thanks anyway, Misto.  
  
Mandy: Hey, the costume has significance! It's showing that John is going off to war!   
  
Misto: Um, lemme think, a young British man in1914 New York City giving his father a tearful goodbye while there's a war going on in Europe…..where ELSE would he be going?  
  
Mandy: Erm, point made. Let's get on with this.  
  
(Jemima, who is by this time looking highly annoyed at all the interruptions, lets a fake tear splash down on the letter she's writing.)  
  
Victoria: *mutters* Oh, REAL convincing…  
  
(Scene changes to a hallway inside the school. Etcetera is on the ground, kicking and screaming. Jennyanydots is trying her best to console the child, but her patience has been driven thin.)  
  
Jenny: *desperately* Ettie, dearest, sweetheart, please stop screaming…I'll give you a cookie….  
  
Etcetera: *continues screaming and starts kicking at Jenny and pushing her away*  
  
Jenny: Ettie, PLEASE!! *frustrated, she gets up and hurries off to try and get help*  
  
Jenny: Ouch…Etcy, did you HAVE to kick that hard….  
  
Etcetera: Sorry, Aunt Jen….  
  
Mandy: *interupting the parody* This scene is dedicated to my best friend Kate.  
  
Jemima: You know, it's very hard to study with you carrying on like that.  
  
Etcetera: I don't CARE, I want my MOMMA!  
  
Jemima: Don't worry, you'll see her again soon…  
  
Etcetera: No I WON'T, she's DEAD, and I won't EVER see her AGAIN.  
  
Jemima: *pauses a moment* Well, I don't have a mother, either…  
  
Etcetera: *stops kicking and looks up, wiping tears from her cheeks* You don't? Where is she?  
  
Jemima: In Heaviside, with my baby sister. *she begins to walk forward* But that doesn't mean I don't talk to her…I tell her everything. And I know she hears me..  
  
Etcetera: How?  
  
Jemima: Because that's what angels do.  
  
Etcetera: Your mama's an ANGEL?  
  
Jemima: Of course she is, so is yours! With beautiful wings of silk…and a crown of baby rosebuds.  
  
(Electra peeks out from inside her room to listen.)  
  
Jemima: And they all live together in a castle….and you know what it's made of? Sunflowers! Hundreds of them! All shining like gold…  
  
(Rumpelteazer, carrying a bucket in one paw, quietly makes her way down the steps so she can hear.)  
  
Several cats: *sighs wistfully at the heavenly description*   
  
Pouncival: *sniffles* That was so beautiful….  
  
Tumblebrutus: *thwaps Pounce gently on the head to make him hush*  
  
Jemima: And whenever they want to go somewhere, they just whistle….like this!   
  
(She whistles, and Etcetera, Rumpel, and Electra all quietly attempt to whistle in the same way.)  
  
Jemima: *smiles and nods when Etcetera gets it right, then continues* And then a big white cloud comes to the castle door and picks them up…and the angels fly through the sky, riding the cloud like a magic carpet…*she makes flying motions with her paw, and the other girls follow suit* Until they're hovering right over us. And sometimes, they leave messages….but it's hard to hear them if you're kicking and screaming…  
  
Etcetera: *looks down at her paws, ashamed*  
  
Jemima: But they always try again, in case we've missed it…  
  
(The stair Rumpel is standing on creaks, causing Jemima to look up and see her. Rumpel quickly runs up the stairs.)  
  
Jemima: Hey, wait!  
  
Etcetera: That's Recky, she's not allowed to talk to us.  
  
Mungo: RECKY? What kind of a name is that??  
  
Tugger: Sounds like something you do after eating bad catnip…  
  
Jemima: *gives both of them a Look, then continues in character* Why not?  
  
Etcetera: She's a servant girl, and her fur's dark.  
  
Misto: Um…for one thing, I resemble that remark, and for another, that makes absolutely NO sense…  
  
Mandy: Quiet! In the movie, Becky is a little African American girl.  
  
Misto: *blinks* Oh. I knew that. Really.  
  
Mandy: You SHOULD know, if you read the script......*glares*  
  
Misto: Hey, back off! It's not like I have a major part or anything!  
  
Jemima: AHEM! *gets back into character* So?  
  
Etcetera: *confused* So…doesn't…that mean something?  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima quietly going up the stairs to the attic room. She opens the door to see Rumpel washing her blistered feet with ice--)  
  
Pouncival: Wait a second. This part of the movie just isn't going to work. I mean, for one thing, cats don't wear shoes…and for another, this is POINTLESS!!  
  
Mandy: But….but there's the part later where Sarah gives Becky the shoes, and that's important…  
  
Old D: No, it isn't. It doesn't matter. Forget about it, skip it, ANYTHING to make this go by faster!  
  
Jelly: Hey, what are you complaining about, you've only got one line!  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Okay, we'll skip the shoe part….next scene!  
  
(The scene starts to change, but before it can, a loud scream is heard, following by the sound of someone falling down stairs. The lights come up quickly to reveal Jemima lying in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.)  
  
Jenny: *gasps* My baby! (She and Skimble both rush forward to Jemima)  
  
Jemima: *woozily* Watch out for that first step….it's a lulu…*passes out*  
  
Skimble: *checks to make sure Jemima doesn't have any broken bones, then storms over to Mandy* I TOLD you something like this was going to happen! I TOLD you not to do this parody in the first place! But does anyone listen to me? Noooo, everyone just ignores the Railway Cat!  
  
Jenny: *irritated at the fact her daughter is unconscious at the bottom of some steps, she decides to take it out on Skimble* Well, how does it FEEL to be ignored, Mister I-have-to-catch-the-train-and-don't-have-time-to-spend-with-you! *turns on her heel and storms off*  
  
Skimble: *blinks* Um….what just happened….?  
  
Mandy: Methinks your wife is complaining that you spend too much time worrying over the train and not enough time worrying over her. Now go find her and patch things up. *sighs wearily* Okay, everyone….take five, Jenny's in the next scene and we can't do much'til she gets back….  
  
(By the time they heard the words "take five", all the cats cleared out. Mandy sighs again, shaking her head, then cracks open a can of Pepsi One.)  



	3. The Little Princess (A CATS parody) - Ch...

A/N: Um...well, if you've read this far, you pretty much know what's going on. R/R, but please remember.... "If you can't say sumpthin' nice...don't say nothin' at all!"  
  
The Little Princess - 3  
  
(Mandy finishes off her Pepsi One just as most of the cats return from their break, with the exception of Jennyanydots…and Bustopher Jones.)  
  
Skimble: *wrings his paws* Surely you don't think….  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Of course not, Skimble. Jenny's not that kind of a queen. However, I WOULD like to know where she is….she's supposed to be in this scene!  
  
Jelly: Why don't we just skip it? It's not really that big of a scene….you can just narrate it.  
  
Mandy: Well….okay….we can just skip to the bedroom scene…  
  
Tugger: *excitedly* Bedroom scene?? What bedroom scene?  
  
Mandy: Not THAT kind of a scene, sheesh! This is a G-rated parody! *hits Tugger with her script* Now go get into costume, you've got a scene coming up before too long…all right, everyone, PLACES!  
  
(Jemima is up in her room with Electra, Tantomile, Bombalurina, Cassandra, and Exotica. She's telling them the rest of the story about Prince Ramastrap and Princess Demtra. Rumpelteazer is listening outside the bedroom door, unnoticed by the other girls.)  
  
Exotica: Wait a sec, how can I be Maya AND a schoolgirl?  
  
Mandy: There are a lot of female parts in this movie, and we don't have enough cats to go around! Maya only has one line, so don't' worry about it!  
  
Exotica: *mutters* I hate double casting…  
  
Jemima: The evil demon Macvana locked the Princess Demtra up in a thorny tower, where she sat night and day, missing her prince terribly…  
  
Victoria: There she weaves, by night and day, a magic web of colors gay…she has heard a whisper say, a curse is on her if she stays….down in Camelot….  
  
Several cats: Hush!  
  
Mandy: Hey, that's what Anne recites at the beginning of…..Vicky! You just gave me a great idea! We can parody Anne of Green Gables next!  
  
(Several cats glare at Vicky, who groans and looks rather sheepish.)  
  
Jemima: CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS??  
  
Mandy: Yikes, okay, okay!   
  
(At the edge of the stage, Demeter is sitting in the window of what's supposed to be a tower covered in thorns. Macavity is standing nearby, keeping guard over her.)  
  
Mac: I hate type-casting…  
  
Demeter: Y'know, this IS awfully cliché…  
  
Mandy: Well, I'm SORRY, but I couldn't think of anyone else to play the bad guy! Oy….okay….scene change here…Everyone except Asparagus, Gus, Tugger, and Rumpelteazer on stage for this one, we need all the extras we can get for this scene.  
  
Pouncival: Hey, wait, did anyone ever find Jenny and Bustopher?  
  
(As soon as this is said, the aforementioned cats enter the theatre together, chatting amiably. Skimbleshanks looks completely heartbroken.)  
  
Mandy: All right, where have you two been and what have you been doing?  
  
Several kittens: Ooooooo, Jenny and Busto, sittin' in a tree..  
  
Jenny: *looks shocked* What?? No! I had gone out for a walk, Bustopher had gone out for an early lunch, and we just happened to run into each other on the way back here!  
  
Skimble: So….are you still mad at me?  
  
(Jenny thinks for a moment, then walks over to Skimble and puts her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately.)  
  
Mandy: Um, heLLO, people, this is SUPPOSED to be G-rated! Go get a room! No, wait, don't go get a room, you're supposed to be onstage! Can we get on with this now??  
  
(Jemima and Electra are standing at the top of some stairs.--)  
  
Jemima: MORE stairs?  
  
(--while Jemima ties a green bow in Electra's tail. Electra is holding the doll while Jemima teaches her to greet her father in French.)  
  
Jemima: There, perfect. You look just like Emily.  
  
Electra: *quickly hands the doll back to Jemima* My father hates dolls….he hates coming here. Says he doesn't belong..  
  
Jemima: Then why does he send you here?  
  
Electra: *shrugs* Because he wants ME to belong…  
  
(They both go downstairs to what is apparently a sort of "visiting day" at the school. There is a lot of chattering and hugging going on…)  
  
Cats onstage: *stand there looking bored*  
  
Mandy: You heard me! Chatter! Hug! Act like you want to be up there!  
  
(Reluctantly, a lot of chattering and hugging starts going on. Electra whispers something in Old D's ear, and he promptly hugs her.)  
  
Old D: My little girl! She spoke French! *mutters* This is so stupid…  
  
(Jemima stands at the foot of the stairs, holding her doll and looking lonely. She catches sight of a tom in an army uniform, and runs towards him. She grabs him by the arm, crying out, "Papa!" only to discover it's not her father.)  
  
Mandy: Okay, everyone who's supposed to be dead, onstage!  
  
(Scene changes to a muddy ditch, with dead toms lying around and planes being flown overhead.)  
  
Pouncival: *makes plane sound effects*  
  
Mandy: Oy….  
  
(Asparagus is picking his way through the bodies, shouldering his pack. Behind him, Tugger groans and moves slightly, causing Asparagus to turn around, drop the pack, and run to him.)  
  
Asparagus: John!  
  
Tugger: Great, now I get to DIE…  
  
Mandy: Shush!  
  
(Asparagus hoists Tugger up onto his shoulder, staggering all over the stage.)  
  
Asparagus: Help….  
  
Mandy: Don't worry, your scene ends here for now.  
  
Asparagus: Oh good. *drops Tugger*  
  
Tugger: Owwie….  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima's bedroom, with several queens crowded around on her bed. She's narrating the story of Ramastrap and Demtra.)  
  
Jemima: Ramastrap made his way down the thorny path, unaware that Macvana was waiting for him!  
  
Queens: Oh no!  
  
(Scene changes again to Victoria's bedroom, where Demeter and Grizabella (both as schoolgirls, not their other parts) sit watching Cassandra brush Victoria's fur.)  
  
Griz: This makes ABSOLUTELY no sense…..I'm supposed to be a beggar woman in this movie….  
  
Mandy: Look, I said I was sorry about all the double casting! I can't help it there aren't enough queens in the Junkyard!   
  
Demeter: *standing up* That's IT. I don't care what you say about Jemrah's stories, Valinia, they've got to be more interesting than sitting here watching your fur be groomed! *she storms out of the room*  
  
Victoria: *watches her calmly, then regards the other queens* If anyone else feels the same way, I think she should leave too.  
  
(Griz and Cass both get up and leave, while Victoria stares silently at them, horrified that she, formerly the most popular queen in school, was being left alone. Griz and Cass both go to Jemima's room, shutting the door behind them. Rumpel puts her ear to the door, listening quietly.)  
  
Jemima: The evil Macvana was not through yet! This time he took a bow that could hold not one, but TEN arrows, each filled with a deadly poison.  
  
(At the side of the stage, the narration is being acted out..)  
  
Jemima: The arrows sped through the air!  
  
Munkustrap: Um…Mac…those aren't real arrows, are they…  
  
Macavity: *sly grin* Of course not, my dear Munkustrap….whatever gave you that idea?  
  
Jemima: They hit the ground surrounding Ramastrap, releasing their poison in a thick, yellow smoke.  
  
(The arrows hit the ground in a circle around Munkustrap, but instead of releasing smoke, they catch on fire.)  
  
Munkustrap: AAAH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!  
  
Mandy: ACK! Somebody do something! I could get sued for this!  
  
Macavity: *calmly walks over and picks up the arrows, still burning* I used to juggle these things….  
  
Munkustrap: *faints*  
  
Mandy: *looks at Munku, then shrugs* Well, seeing as how he was supposed to die from the poison smoke, let's just leave him there for now…  
  
(On…..yet another part of the stage, Asparagus is trying to pull Tugger out of the ditch to fresh air, away from the death surrounding them. Unable to go on, Asparagus falls to the ground near Tugger.)  
  
Jelly: *sighs and sniffles* Oh, how heroic he is….  
  
Etcetera: *in the same tone as Jelly* Oh, my poor Tugger…  
  
Asparagus: *sighs and shakes his head* She is her mother's daughter….  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima blowing out candles on an elaborate birthday cake, surrounded by her schoolmates and Jelly. Balloons and streamers are scattered about randomly.)  
  
Etcetera: *hopping up and down* I want a big piece!  
  
Victoria: Oh hush up, Ettie, I'm sure PRINCESS Jemrah will give everyone a fair share. *sweetly* Isn't that right, PRINCESS?  
  
Etcetera: *hesitantly* I told her that's what you were…  
  
Jemima: Not just me, Ettie, all girls are. Even snotty two-faced bullies like you, Valinia!  
  
(All the girls laugh, except Victoria. Jelly looks as if she's about to say something, but the doorbell rings before she can, and she goes to answer it. The girls start serving each other cake, amid much laughter. Jenny is sitting at a piano in the corner, playing a classical, dull piece and singing to it softly.)  
  
Jenny: I don't know HOW to play the piano…  
  
Mandy: Fake it.  
  
Jelly: *opens the door* *disdainfully* Yes, may I help you?  
  
Mistoffelees: I'm Mr. Barrow. Captain Crewe's solicitor.  
  
Jelly: *lights up at the thought of money* Oh! Oh yes, do come in! We're just celebrating little Jemrah's birthday.  
  
Mistoffelees: *cutting her off* May I speak to you in private?  
  
Jelly: Oh…yes, yes of course…*she leads him to her office*  
  
(Electra is sitting beside Jenny on the piano stool, watching her play. She reaches down and starts to play a much livlier tune. Laughing, Jenny joins in on it, and the other girls start to dance around, laughing wildly. Jemima sees Rumpelteazer standing in the doorway, watching, and they wave to each other. Meanwhile, Jelly storms out of her office, slamming the lid on the piano shut roughly.)  
  
Jenny: YOW!!! Jelly, my paw was still in there!!  
  
Jelly: Sorry, dear….*gets back into character* The party's over! Everyone, upstairs!  
  
Jemima: But Miss Minchin…  
  
Jelly: Jemrah, you still stay behind. I have something to tell you.  
  
(Everyone exits except Jelly, Jemima, and Jenny.)  
  
Jelly: Amelia, I want you to go up to Jemrah's room and find a simple black dress. If she hasn't any, borrow one from one of the other girls.  
  
Jenny: *meekly* But sister, I-  
  
Jelly: *cutting her off* Do as I say!  
  
Jenny: *exits hurriedly, rubbing her mashed paws*  
  
Jelly: Y'know, I'm beginning to like being powerful…  
  
Mandy: I've created a monster…  
  
Jemima: But…..why do I need a black dress, Miss Minchin?  
  
Jelly: I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, Jemrah…….your father has…..well….your father….  
  
Jemima: *shaking her head slowly in disbelief*  
  
Jelly: *takes a deep breath* It's been discovered that your father…..has died…..he was killed in battle several weeks ago. I'm sorry, but that is the reality of the situation. What's more, the British government has seized all of his assets, leaving you penniless. Since you have no relatives, this leaves me in a terrible position….  
  
(She trails off, noticing that Jemima is staring fixedly to her left, at a black balloon floating slowly towards her.)  
  
Pouncival: Which really doesn't make sense that there's ONE black helium balloon when all the other balloons didn't have helium in them…  
  
Jelly: *ignoring Pounce* What are you staring at? Look at me, Jemrah! Do you understand me? You are ALONE in the world!  
  
(The balloon pops, and Jemima looks back at Jelly in a daze.)  
  
Jelly: *snidely* I've decided to keep you here, out of charity.  
  
(Scene fades to Jemima following Jellylorum up the attic stairs. Jemi is wearing a plain black dress, clutching her doll and a book she was allowed to keep in her paws.)  
  
Pouncival: *holding a partially deflated balloon* *squeaky voice* Hey look! I found another helium one!  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Why me?  
  
Jelly: Everything you own now belongs to me, though it will hardly make up for the financial losses I've suffered. From now on, you will earn your room and board here. You will move to the attic with Recky and work as a servant.  
  
(They enter a cold, very leaky attic room.)  
  
Jelly: You will report to Mabel in the kitchens at promptly five AM.   
  
Mandy: Uh, Jelly, the cook's name is now Mark….we had to make the cook a guy because we're COMPLETELY out of actresses, even with double casting.  
  
Tumble: *grumbling* WHY did you make me the cook….WHY?  
  
(Jelly blinks, shrugging. Getting back into character, she spots the locket around Jemima's neck, then snatches it away, outraged.)  
  
Jelly: How DARE you keep this? You're lucky I let you keep the doll….you can have the book. But another incident like THIS, and I shall call the authorities! *starts to leave* Remember, Jemrah Crewe, you're not a princess any longer! *she exits, slamming the door behind her*  
  
(Jemima stands there for a moment, her eyes filled with tears. Slowly, she sets her candle down, picks up a soggy piece of chalk, and draws a circle around herself in the damp floor. She lays down inside the circle, clutching her doll tightly.)  
  
Jemima: Papa?………..Papa?…..*begins crying* Papa….Papa…Papa……*her cries lengthen into anguished sobs* Papa please! Papa! Papa! Papa….  
  
(By now, nearly everyone in the theatre is either in tears or very close to being so.)  
  
Mandy: *sniffles* Okay, guys…I think we should break until everyone calms down a bit….that WAS a pretty sad scene…  
  
  



	4. The Little Princess (A CATS parody) - Ch...

A/N: Same as before....oh, Sassy belongs to herself.  
  
The Little Princess: Part Four  
  
(Everyone comes back from the break, their eyes dry.)  
  
Mandy: *cheerfully* Okay, let's do this thing!  
  
Munkustrap: Do we REALLY have to? I mean, the whole thing gets really depressing after this….  
  
Tugger: How would YOU know?  
  
Munkustrap: Unlike some toms I know, I actually read the script. *mutters* Well, most of it, anyway…  
  
Mandy: Look, we've come THIS far with it, why don't we just go ahead and finish it out? Please?  
  
Jemima: Wait a second…this skips around a LOT. Can't we just skip some of these scenes?  
  
Victoria: Hey, I like my cruel scene that comes up….even though it has no dialogue….….  
  
Mandy: Well….Jemima's right. It's going to be really hard to get all these scene changes in, and there isn't a lot of point to them…..we'll skip to the market scene, it's short.  
  
(Jemima is carrying a large basket filled with groceries through the streets. A sudden gust of wind whisks her shawl off her shoulders, and she runs after it. It stops at Coricopat's feet. She picks up the shawl and stands facing him, recognizing he is from India and sort of servant to the rich Mr. Randolph, who is standing outside his door. Some men dressed in uniforms are standing there, holding out a slip of paper.)  
  
Gus: No…no, not John! John…*he begins crying*  
  
Coricopat: *puts a comforting arm around Gus' shoulders and leads him into the house*  
  
Tugger: Cool, I'm dead now! Y'know, that was a long bit of narration…  
  
Mandy: I can't help it, there was only one line in the whole scene. Okay, back to the attic!  
  
(Jemima is sitting on her bed in the attic, staring out the window. Rumple peeks in the door, shying back when she sees Jemima is awake.)  
  
Rumple: Oh…Oi thought yew would be sleepin'…..*she holds out an embroidered pillow* Here, Oi made this for yew…it's a picture of where you used to live.   
  
Mandy: Why did I cast a Cockney Becky? Why?  
  
Jemima: Thank you, Recky….it's beautiful….  
  
Rumple: *pauses a moment* Jemrah, whoi dun yew tell yer stories anymore?  
  
Jemima: *sighs* They're just make believe. They don't mean anything.  
  
Rumple: O', but they've always meant sumpfin to me! There was days Oi thought Oi would doi unless Oi heard yew talk about th' magic!  
  
Mandy: Why…  
  
Jemima: *shaking her head* There is no magic, Recky…  
  
(Rumple looks like her heart has been broken. She stands up and leaves quietly. Jemima stares out her window, not seeing anything, with tears streaming silently down her face.)  
  
Jemima: *whispers* Papa? Can you hear me? I'm so scared, Papa….  
  
Several cats: *sniffle*  
  
Mandy: *sniffles* Now then, we can't have a break after every sappy scene…  
  
Tugger: Why not?  
  
Mandy: *glares and says nothing*  
  
(Scene cuts to Jemima outside, raking leaves, while the rest of the young queens leave for church. Etcetera stops and tugs at Jemima's shawl.)  
  
Etcetera: Jemrah, are you still a princess?  
  
Jemima: Better get back in line, Ettie, or we'll both be in trouble.  
  
Etcetera: Well ARE you?  
  
Jelly: Ettie!   
  
(Etcetera quickly rejoins the line and they all leave. Scene cuts to the streets. Jemima is once again carrying a large basket.)  
  
Mistoffelees: *as a little boy* Here you go, little queen…*hands her a coin* *mutters* One minute I'm a greedy solicitor and the next I'm a generous little kid….  
  
Mandy: Get back in character!  
  
Bombalurina: *acting as Misto's mother* What did I tell you about giving your money away? *waves her paw at Jemima*: Shoo, get out of here!   
  
(Jemima goes into a bakery and buys a hot sticky bun. Just as she is about to eat it, she notices a poor woman with two young children and a baby in her arms. The baby is really a sack of flour wrapped in blankets, but that's not important…)  
  
Mungojerrie: Wait a tic, two kids? We only got one, me!  
  
Sassafrass: Nope, I'm here as a cameo!  
  
(Everyone blinks at her.)  
  
Old D: Um…who are you…?  
  
Sassy: Oh, I'm one of Mandy's friends. She promised me a line.   
  
Old D: Oh. Okay then, proceed.  
  
Grizabella: *bouncing the flour sack baby convincingly while Sassy holds out yellow roses to passerbyers* Would you like to buy a flower? Please, sir, one flower….would you like to buy a flower? Please?  
  
Sassy: Please, would anyone like to buy a flower? *grabs the nearest tom's paw, who just happens to be Munk, his fur still died blue* Please, sir, can I have some bread?  
  
Mandy: Uh, Sass, that isn't in the script…..  
  
Sassy: I know, but I really wanted to say it!  
  
Mandy: Well….um….okay….  
  
Munk: Would you mind letting go of me now? You know this is very unrealistic…I mean, toms with blue fur don't just wander around the streets every day…  
  
Griz: And you think using a flour sack is convincing as a baby?  
  
Mandy: AAARG! Can we please please PLEASE just get on with this??  
  
(Sassy goes back to holding out flowers to anyone who passes, while Mungo stands there shivering, hungrily eyeing the bun Jemima is about to eat. Looking down at the bun, Jemima stands up and walks over to Mungo, handing it to him. He looks to Grizabella to see if it's all right, then eagerly takes a bite as Jemima starts to walk away.)  
  
Grizabella: *to Sassy* Give her a flower……*calls after Jemima* Wait!  
  
Sassy: *hands Jemima one of the yellow roses*  
  
Grizabella: For the princess!  
  
(Jemima smiles and walks away. On her way home, she sticks the rose in the door handles of Gus's house. Coricopat looks out the window at her as she passes.)  
  
Tugger: *yawns* You know, this is REALLY starting to get boring…  
  
Munk: I hate to agree with him….but he's right. Does the plot thicken anywhere around here?  
  
Mandy: Well, Skimbleshanks' character is introduced in a couple of scenes…  
  
Skimble: Mandy, WHY did you change Frances to Skances? I mean, it sounds like something out of a weird sci-fi movie…  
  
Pounce: Skeksis!! You know, Skeksis….the bad guys out of Dark Crystal…  
  
Misto: *clamps a paw over Pouncival's mouth and hisses* SHUSH! Don't give her anymore ideas!!  
  
Munk: Wait a second….didn't we already DO a parody of that?  
  
Tugger: No, that was Labyrinth…….I remember because I had to wear those IMPOSSIBLE pants……  
  
Female kittens: *swoon at the thought*  
  
Mandy: Oy….well, anyway, don't worry about a Dark Crystal parody from me. I haven't seen the movie enough.  
  
(The cats breathe a sigh of relief. Moving right along…the scene changes to the attic room. Jemima is lying in bed, just woken up, when a sudden gust of wind blows the attic doors open, and snow whooshes inside. She stands up and--)  
  
Pouncival: Can we skip this scene? There's no dialogue, and it's rather pointless…  
  
Mandy: It is not! It shows the significance about how Ram Dass and Sarah are both from India, and that's their connection, which comes into play later in the story.  
  
Jemima: Well now that you've said that, can we skip it?  
  
Mandy: *sighs* Okay, okay….Pouncival, get ready.  
  
(Scene changes to Pouncival, wearing a black cap and covered in soot, poking his head and shoulders out of a chimney. He loses his balance and falls back down through it.)  
  
Pouncival: Wh-whooooaaaa!  
  
Jenny: *slightly worriedly* Was that a real cry or a fake one?  
  
Mandy: Eh, doesn't matter, there's pillow at the bottom of that. He's not hurt.  
  
Pounce: *muffled* Speak for yourself….  
  
Jelly: ARG! Look at this, soot ALL over the place! *drags Pouncival out by the ear* And you can FORGET about being PAID this week!  
  
Pouncival: *sets his cap on straight and goes back towards the door, palm outstretched*  
  
Jelly: Oh no you don't! I told you I wouldn't tolerate the slightest bit of soot in this house, and just look at my boot! It's FILTHY! Now get out and stay out, you rotten little BRAT!  
  
Mandy: Uh, Jelly, that's not in the script…  
  
(Jellylorum ignores her. She is REALLY getting way too much into character…anyway, Jemima looks at the buckets of ashes the little chimneysweep left, and a plan starts to form in her head….)  
  
Jelly: Um….we're not using REAL soot in this scene, are we….  
  
Mandy: *says nothing8  
  
Jelly: *looks worried, then grabs a large yellow poncho and puts it on, just in case*  
  
Tugger: Oh, come on, Jelly….you're not supposed to know this is coming….  
  
Jelly: I don't care, I'm not spending the next month trying to scrub soot out of my fur!  
  
(Scene changes again to Jellylorum, still in the poncho, playing a harp in the sitting room. Ashes start to trickle down from the chimney. Frowning, Jelly gets up to investigate….but when she sticks her head in the fireplace to have a look, two full buckets of ashes come down on her.)  
  
Jelly: AaaaaaaaAAAAAACH…..*her shrill screams turn to whining sobs as the scene fades* *mutters* Great, there are ashes IN the raincoat now….  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima and Rumple scrubbing dishes in the kitchen, still giggling over the prank they played. Tumblebrutus takes a pie out of the oven just as Jenny bustles in. She starts to take a taste of the pie when Tumble stops her.)  
  
Tumble: Don't touch that, it's for Mr. Randolph next door! Poor man, his son is missing in action…  
  
Jenny: John? Oh, he was always such a nice boy…  
  
(Jenny goes over to the window and stares outside expectantly. She sees something and lets out a small gasp, hurrying away to act like she wasn't waiting. Skimbleshanks hesitantly pokes his head through the door, carrying several bottles of milk in a tray.)  
  
Skimble: Erm, good mornin'…..wh…where might Miss Amelia be this morning?  
  
Jenny: *bustles in again* Oh, why, hello there Skances! My, you're here early this morning! *looks at him with poorly concealed adoration*  
  
Skimble: *taking off his hat and returning Jenny's gaze* Well, a tom's gotta get up early in the morning….if he wants to have an effect on the world…  
  
Jenny: *leans in a bit closer towards Skimble, still gazing at him in rapture* And what a powerful effect you have, Skances…  
  
(Skimble stands there a moment, his eyes locked with Jenny's, before quickly putting his hat back on his head and leaving with the milk. Jenny picks up yesterday's empty milk bottles and waits. Skimble returns with the milk rather sheepishly, sets it down, and then starts to take the empty bottles from Jenny. She holds on to it for a moment, still gazes at him adoringly, before letting go and shutting the door slowly. She continues to stare out the window after him.)  
  
Jemima and Rumple: *look at each other and start giggling hysterically*  
  
Demeter: Y'know, that WAS kind of cute…  
  
Old D: You know what the really funny part about it is?  
  
Mandy: What?  
  
Old D: That's EXACTLY how Jenny and Skimble acted around each other when they were younger. This is just watching history repeat itself.  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima's old room, which is now occupied by Victoria. Jemima trudges in with a box of firewood.)  
  
Victoria: *brushing her fur, as always* Where have you been?? I've been chilled for almost half an hour. Oh, and don't touch anything with your dirty paws. This is MY room now, and I won't have you messing it up! *sniffs the air* UGH! When was the last time you had a bath??  
  
(Jemima quietly finishes building the fire. She stands up and starts chanting something in a foreign language, dancing around Victoria's bed.)  
  
Victoria: What are you doing? I…I don't believe in this! Stop it! STOP IT, I say!  
  
(Jemima stops)  
  
Victoria: What did you just do?  
  
Jemima: *casually* Oh, just a little curse I learned from a witch back in India…  
  
Victoria: Curse? Ha! ………what kind of.….curse?  
  
Jemima: *off-handedly* Oh, you'll see. But I wouldn't brush my fur as much if I were you…  
  
(Jemima exits, leaving Victoria looking at her brush, horrified at Jemima's words.)  
  
Tumble: Is it just me, or is Victoria VERY well suited for this part..  
  
Victoria: Oh shut up, MABEL.  
  
Mandy: *shrugs, then whispers to Tumblebrutus* I did a lot of typecasting with the main characters….  
  
Skimble: I still don't understand WHY we're doing this…  
  
Mandy: Well, actually, it's because of you.  
  
Skimble: What?? What did I have to do with this?  
  
Mandy: Well….I was watching The Little Princess one night, and Frances, the milkman, reminded me of you. So I thought "Hey…wouldn't that be a neat parody?"  
  
(Several cats look about ready to kill Skimble.)  
  
Skimble: *whimpers* Mother….  
  
(Scene changes to Jemima's attic room. The door creaks open, and Electra peeks in shyly.)  
  
Electra: Oh….is this where you live?  
  
Jemima: You shouldn't be here, Ermentra! It's too dangerous!  
  
Electra: Jemrah, why don't you like me anymore? Did I do something wrong?  
  
Jemima: No, of course not! I just thought you wouldn't want me for a friend now that……now that things are different….  
  
Electra: I'm sure you could do just fine without me, but I can't get along without you!  
  
Jemima: *touches Electra's cheek with her paw* Oh, Ermentra, I should have known you wouldn't be like the others…  
  
Tugger: Pardon me while I go get reacquainted with my breakfast….   
  
Electra: *hears a knock on the wall* What's that??  
  
Jemima: One knock means I'm here….*she goes over to the wall* Two knocks means all is well…*knocks on the wall three times*   
  
Old D: *sings* Knock three times on the ceiling if you love me!  
  
Gus: *joins in* Twice on the pipe if the answer is no!  
  
Mandy: Hey, I know that song!  
  
Younger cats: *blink at her*  
  
Pounce: Exactly what century were you born in?  
  
Mandy: Okay, so I happen to like oldies.   
  
Jemima: AHEM! I wasn't FINISHED!  *gets back into character* Three times means the coast is clear, the evil Minchinweed is asleep!  
  
(Rumpleteazer proceeds to enter through a loose board in the wall. However, her tail gets caught when she lets the board swing back into place.)  
  
Rumple: YOW!   
  
Mandy: Shh, just ignore it, we're not far away from a break….  
  
Bustopher: Good, I'm famished!  
  
Jelly: Why does that not surprise me….  
  
Electra: Hi Recky. Jemrah, will you tell us what happens to Prince Ramastrap?  
  
(On one side of the stage, the scene Jemima's narrating is being acted out.)  
  
Jemima: The smoke from the arrows slowly cleared…  
  
Mandy: We need a fog machine for this show…  
  
Jemima: *clears throat, then continues* Only to reveal Ramastrap lying dead on the ground.  
  
Rumple and Electra: Oh no!  
  
Munkustrap: *monotonously* Oh. Look. I am dead.  
  
Mandy: HUSH!  
  
Jemima: But then, the gazelle-  
  
Pounce: When did we get a gazelle?  
  
Mandy: We didn't…*points to Mungojerrie with antlers taped to his head*  
  
Jemima: AHEM! THEN THE GAZELLE laid down beside Ramastrap, giving him his own life!!  
  
Mungo: *falls down in a heap*  
  
Munkustrap: *rising* Um….could someone please tell me what the point of this whole side-plot is?  
  
Mandy: It's symbolizing that Sarah's father isn't really dead!  
  
Cats who haven't read the script: He ISN'T?  
  
Mandy: *cries brokenly into Jelly's shoulder*  
  
Jelly: There, there, dear…  
  
(All the other cats run away while Mandy isn't paying attention. She looks up and sighs.)  
  
Mandy: Jelly, go on after them…the scene changes here anyway…..it's not a very good place for a break, but we might as well.  
  
  



	5. The Little Princess (A CATS parody) - Ch...

A/N: Same as before...*grins* Alliecallienip, my darling soulsister/bestfriend/all that jazz, belongs to.....ME! MWAHAHAHA! Just kidding.... *g* And KateMonkey is mine, too. And I'm not even going to bother explaining that joke to anyone, it's not funny unless you were there, but....*HUGS HER MONKEY* Oh, and Dr. Mau belongs to...uh...Rheow, I think...  
  
The Little Princess - 5  
  
Mandy: Okay, break's over! Next scene! Wait…..we're missing some cats….where's Tugger?  
  
Misto: I think I saw he and Bomby are backstage making out…  
  
Bomby: No…I'm right here, and Tugger's right there…*points as the aforementioned Tugger comes through the door*  
  
Misto: Then…..who did I see making out?  
  
(At that moment, Jenny and Skimble appear together from backstage, looking flushed and a bit out of breath. The cats blink for a moment, then some of the younger ones start snickering.)  
  
Skimble: *straightening his vest out* Erm…well, let's get on with it, shall we?  
  
Tugger: *elbows Skimble in the ribs teasingly* I think you already got it on, bud.  
  
Jennyanydots: *indignantly* I don't know what you all were thinking, but it's most definitely....not....*trails off, blushing violently as the other cats snicker and smirk*  
  
Mandy: *throws her script behind her shoulder* There goes my G rating.  
  
(Scene changes to a crowded hospital. Gus is sitting in a wheelchair at the end of a bed, talking to Admetus.)  
  
Admetus: He is suffering from amnesia…one of the rarer side effects from the gases…  
  
Gus: He's not my John.  
  
Admetus: *looks slightly shocked* I…I'm sorry, sir…but your son was the only name unaccounted for, we assumed this must be him…I am sorry, sir…*he walks away*  
  
Pounce: ASSUME makes an a-  
  
Jelly: Watch the language!  
  
Pounce: ….out of YOU and ME.  
  
Misto: Talk about corny…  
  
(Gus continues acting as though he didn't hear the side comments…of course, the way his hearing is, he may not have heard them.)  
  
Gus: I suppose you must think me a fool….all the hoping…  
  
Coricopat: *in an Indian accent* Is it your wish to be wise, sahim?  
  
Gus: I don't know….I suppose a wise man would never have come here.  
  
Coricopat: But if he had, he would have looked closer upon a soldier's face.  
  
Gus: And…what would he have seen?  
  
Coricopat: Pain, sahim. He needs to be cared for.   
  
Gus: Ach, it's not my responsibility.  
  
Coricopat: A wise man would remember that this soldier was in John's regiment. Perhaps if he regains his memory….he could tell sahim what happened to his son.  
  
(Scene changes back to the inside of the Seminary. Rumpelteazer, Electra, Bombalurina, Cassandra, and Allie are stationed at various places throughout the halls.)  
  
Pounce: Wait….who's Allie?  
  
Allie: I am! *runs over and hugs Mandy*  
  
Mandy: Alliesissysweetie! *hugs* Glad you made it!  
  
Old D: I'm just going to assume this is another one of your friends. Let's get this over with, shall we?  
  
Jelly: *from inside her office* Now if the plumber comes while I'm gone to the bank, show him the problem. And for Heaviside's sakes, don't stand there blabbering with him all day, they charge by the hour.  
  
Jenny: *stuttering* Y-y-yes, sister…  
  
(Jelly leaves the office and goes out the door with her hat and coat on. The girls motion to each other in turn, mouthing the words "Now!". As the last queen points, Etcetera starts screaming at the top of her lungs. Back in the office, Jenny throws up the magazine she was reading, startled, then gets up and starts running up the stairs.)  
  
Jenny: Oh no, Ettie, not again…  
  
(As soon as she's out of sight, the other four queens run into the office and start searching through drawers and cabinets. At the top of the stairs, Jenny is squatted down on Etcetera's level, inching forward and hesitantly holding out a paw.)  
  
Pounce: Ha! She looks like a duck!  
  
Jenny: *glares at him*  
  
Mandy: Please..let's just finish this…  
  
Etcetera: *snaps at Jenny's paw*  
  
Jenny: Ahh! That HURT, Etcy!  
  
Mandy: Ecty, you weren't actually supposed to bite her, just snap!  
  
Etcetera: I didn't mean to! Sorry!  
  
Mandy: Okay…..just get back into character….  
  
(Jenny gets up and runs down to the kitchens to get Jemima.)  
  
Jenny: Jemrah, come quick! It's Ettie, I think she's possessed!  
  
(Outside, Jelly has realized she's forgotten one of her gloves and starts back towards the house to get it. She comes in through the door just as Jenny is running towards the stairs with Jemima. Etcetera is still screaming loudly.)  
  
Jelly: Will you PLEASE get that child under control?  
  
Jenny: *nods quickly and starts up the stairs with Jemi*  
  
(Inside the office, Electra holds up the locket.)  
  
Electra: I got it!  
  
(Jelly opens the door and starts into the office. Electra, Bombalurina, Cassandra and Allie freeze, the locket still dangling from Electra's paw. Just before Jelly goes in, Rumpel shrieks loudly, causing Jelly to stop and look at her.)  
  
Rumpel: Oi…..Oi……Oi…..Oi……Oi…*she watches as the queens sneak out of the office. Electra closes the door behind her* Oi….Oi…  
  
Jelly: Well what is it??  
  
Rumpel: *as the last queen disappears* I thought I saw a mouse.  
  
(Jelly rolls her eyes and starts through the door, which she already opened, only to run right into it.)  
  
Jelly: Ow….this is a very dangerous play, y'know?  
  
Jenny: Really! Jelly's twisted her ankle and banged her nose, Jemima's fallen down the stairs  
  
Jemima: And been stepped on!  
  
Jenny:…. I've been bitten, kicked, and had my paws mashed, Munkustrap was nearly burned, and who knows what else!   
  
Mandy: Jenny, dear….I'm afraid the worst hasn't come yet, for you and Skimble anyway.  
  
Jenny: *looks worried* What do you mean?  
  
Mandy: You haven't read the entire script, have you?  
  
(Jenny grabs a script and starts reading over it, while Skimbleshanks peers over her shoulder. They both gasp.)  
  
Jenny: WHAT?? There's no way!  
  
Skimble: One of us is bound to be killed! *pauses* *rereads the scene* And it's more than likely going to be ME!  
  
Mandy: Shush! Don't worry about it, nothing will go wrong, I promise! Now let's just get on with this…we're really close to being done with this whole thing!  
  
(At the top of the stairs, Etcetera has quit screaming and skips down just as Jemima and Jenny get to the top.)  
  
Etcetera: Oh well!  
  
Jenny: *sinks down on the stair and starts to hyperventilate, fanning herself frantically* I swear, that child has a pact with Satan to destroy me! I'm just not cut out for this job! I have no patience with children….and teaching! All those horrible facts to remember! I don't like it at all!  :mutters* This is SO not me…  
  
Jemima: You like Skances, don't you?  
  
Jenny: *looks at her in shock* What? Of course not! How dare you!  
  
Jemima: I think he likes you, too.  
  
Jenny: *eyes light up* You do? Really?  
  
Jemima: I think you should run away together and get married! It'd be terribly romantic!  
  
Jenny: *dazed look* What an extraordinary thing to say….I…..I….I…*shakes her head sadly* Well….my sister would be furious if she found out…  
  
Jemima: So? You'd be LONG gone by then! Living in some exotic paradise…with that dashing young milkman….*stands up* Well, better get back to work.   
  
(Jemima exits, leaving Jenny staring off blissfully, her head tilted to one side.)  
  
(Scene changes to the attic. Rumpel has her paw over Jemima's eyes as the five queens who helped get the locket back come in.)  
  
Jemima: *as her eyes are uncovered* What's going on?  
  
(As each queen speaks, she passes something in her paw to the next in line.)  
  
Electra: *curtsies* Princess Jemrah, we'd like to present you with something we rescued  
  
Allie: ..in a dangerous crusade…  
  
Bomb: Our very own adventure!  
  
Cassandra: Risking all our lives!  
  
Etcetera: And mine too! *holds out the locket to Jemima*  
  
Jemima: *takes it, breathless* I..I don't know what to say….you all are the BEST friend's anyone could ever have!  
  
(The glass door leading to the outside of the building bangs open, and a little monkey runs in. The five queens squeal and hide behind the bed.)  
  
Jemima: Um…wait…when did we get a monkey? I thought we were skipping this scene…  
  
Mandy: *hugs her monkey*   
  
Cats: *raise an eyebrow*  
  
Mandy: It's an inside joke. The monkey is my sissy Kate. Really, she is.   
  
Monkey: *makes monkey noises and waves*  
  
Cats: *begin to back away slowly*  
  
Mandy: No, don't worry, it's all right, she's my monkey. Don't worry about it, just play along..  
  
Jemima: *gives Mandy a weird look, but gets back into character* It's all right, it's just my little monkey friend.  
  
Etcetera: Wh…where….did she come from?  
  
Rumpel: Roight next door! Look!  
  
Jemima: She comes to visit me all the time! Say hello to all my friends.  
  
(The monkey stands on her shoulder and squeaks, causing the queens to giggle loudly. Down below, Jelly is turning off the lights in the hallways. She stops and listens for a moment, then shrugs and continues on her way. On another part of the stage, Victoria is brushing her fur. She stops and looks at the brush to see large clumps of fur in it. She stares for a moment, then faints dead away.)  
  
Demeter: Um…Mandy…I think her fur is actually coming out….and I think she actually fainted…  
  
Mandy: What?? Don't tell me that curse actually worked! Oy…well….there's nothing we can do about it right now. Let's just continue with this, okay?  
  
(Back up in the attic, and being acted out on the side of the stage…)  
  
Jemima: After Ramastrap came back to life, he raced towards the tower to rescue Demtra. But then….Macvana appeared!  
  
Macavity: Mwahahahahahaha!  
  
(The queens scream loudly, and Jemima quickly clamps a paw over the closest two's mouths. Downstairs, Jelly frowns slightly and looks up at the ceiling.)  
  
Jemima: I think we'd better save the rest of the story for later….  
  
(She stands and sets the monkey down, which promptly scurries along a drainpipe to the opposite house and up onto Coricopat's shoulder. Smiling, Cori bows to the queens, who giggle and return the bow. While they are all bowed down, Jelly comes in the door.)  
  
Jelly: What is the meaning of this???   
  
Jemima: It wasn't their fault, Miss Minchin, I asked them to come!  
  
Pounce: Hey…..no she didn't…  
  
Mandy: *sighs* I guess I should be grateful that you've at least been paying attention….  
  
Jelly: You five, downstairs! I'll deal with you later! Recky, back to your room. You will remain locked there tomorrow without meals! Go!  
  
Rumpel: *quickly runs out the door*  
  
Jelly: *turns to Jemima* And as for YOU, you will do all of Recky's chores in addition to your own, without breakfast, lunch, or supper! It's time you learned, Jemrah Crewe, that real life isn't about your little fantasy games. It's a cruel, nasty world out there, and it's our duty to make the best of it! *she pauses as Jemima stares at her* Do you understand what I'm saying?  
  
Jemima: Yes ma'am.  
  
Jelly: GOOD. *sneering, she turns to leave*  
  
Jemima: *quietly* But I don't believe in it.  
  
Jelly: Don't tell me you still fancy yourself a PRINCESS?? Good God, girl, look around you! Or better yet, look in the MIRROR.  
  
Tugger: Ooo….Jelly's getting VICIOUS with this…  
  
Mandy: Tugger, hush! This is one of my favorite scenes!  
  
Jemima: *her voice rising with each sentence* I am a princess! All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics! Even if they dress in RAGS! Even if they're not PRETTY, or SMART, or YOUNG. We're still princesses! All of us! Didn't your father ever tell you that??? DIDN'T HE??  
  
Gus: Of course I did!  
  
Mandy: Hush, dear.  
  
Jelly: *her face crumpled as though she's fighting back tears* If I catch you up here with any of the girls again, I'll throw you out in the STREETS!  
  
(She storms out, locking both Jemima and Rumpel's doors behind her. A very muffled, almost inaudible sobbing sound can be heard. Jelly turns back around and pauses at the top of the stairs, her shoulders trembling slightly. She reaches up and wipes a tear from her face, then heads down the stairs, sobbing quietly.)  
  
Mungo: Erm…whoi was she cryin'?  
  
Jemima: Because her father never told her she was special. He never told her she was a princess.   
  
Mandy: *sniffles* That scene ALWAYS gets to me….I don't like Miss Minchin all through the show, except in that one scene I feel so horribly sorry for her.. *sniff* Okay…let's get on with this…  
  
Rumpel: *entering Jemima's room through the loose board* Wot are we gonna do? A whole day wi'out food…  
  
Jemima: Don't cry, Recky, it'll be all right.  
  
Rumpel: Jemrah, Oi'm scared! If Minchen throws me out, OI got no place ta go!  
  
Jemima: You have me, Recky….I've always kind of though of us as sisters. Let's make a pact to always take care of each other, no matter what.  
  
Rumpel: It's a promise. *they hug* Wot're we gonna do about food?  
  
Jemima: I know! We'll have a great feast before we go to sleep tonight, and it'll hold us over for tomorrow!  
  
Rumpel: A feast? Where?  
  
Jemima: Just look around, Recky…..see that table over there? It's covered in a long cloth, with silver candlesticks.   
  
Rumpel: *stares at the table a moment* Oi dun see anything!  
  
Jemima: Try, Recky! Remember what you told me about the magic? Come on, what kind of foods are on the table?  
  
Rumpel: Um…muffins?  
  
Jemima: Good! What kind?  
  
Rumpel: All koinds! Ev'ry kind o' muffin da Everlastin' Cat ever made!  
  
(This goes on for awhile, with the girls describing the various foods on the table and things like that. The scene fades out, and attention is drawn back to the side of the stage where the whole damsel in distress plot is going on. Munkustrap shoots a suction cup arrow at Macavity, and it hits him square in the forehead. Mac looks up at the arrow, rolls his eyes, then falls down. Demeter runs down from the "tower" and into Munkustrap's arms.)  
  
Pounce: What was the point of that?  
  
Mandy: I think it's to show the demon is about to be defeated….I'm not really sure….anyway, let's get on with this. Jenny, Skimble, get ready to do your last scene..  
  
Skimble: Do we HAVE to do this, Mandy?  
  
Mandy: Please? It's for the sake of theatre!  
  
Jenny: *sighs* I don't know why I'm doing this, other than the fact I think this is kind of a fun role….  
  
(Morning. Scene opens on Jemima and Rumpelteazer asleep next to each other, surrounded by lush curtains and tapestries, with a table full of food at the foot of the bed. Jemima wakes up and looks around her in amazement. She gets up and puts on the robe and slippers left on her side of the bed, just as Rumpel wakes up.)  
  
Rumpel: Oh my….Oi think yew went a lil' too far this time…  
  
Jemima: It wasn't me!  
  
Recky: *looking at the food* Oi'm a lil' scared about all this….  
  
Jemima: Me too…do you think we shouldn't eat it?  
  
Recky: Oi'm not that scared!  
  
(They sit down and eat breakfast, giggling. Scene changes to the house next door. Coricopat brings a tray with breakfast on it to Asparagus, who has his head wrapped in a bandage.)  
  
Asparagus: Thank you for all your kindness….  
  
Coricopat: It was nothing, sahim.  
  
Asparagus: That word….it sounds so familiar…and yet I don't know what it means.  
  
Coricopat: It is not English. We use it where I am from….India.  
  
Asparagus: India…  
  
Coricopat: You know it?  
  
Asparagus: *pauses, then sighs* No…it's all just a blur…maybe someday I'll sort it out.  
  
Coricopat: You will, sahim. You will.  
  
(Scene changes again to nighttime. Jenny is coming down the stairs to the front door, wearing an overcoat and a large hat, and carrying two suitcases. She starts towards the door, then stops when she hears footsteps and hides behind a bookcase. Jelly comes and locks the door securely. Jenny bites her lip, then heads back up the stairs. Outside, Skimbleshanks is getting out of his milktruck.)  
  
Skimbleshanks: *attempt to whistle, but can't* Erm…..yoohoo?   
  
(He waits a moment, but gets no answer. Dejected, he turns away and starts to walk off when the window to a third story room opens up)  
  
Jenny: Psst, Skances!  
  
Skimble: *smiles, taking off his hat*  
  
Jenny: One minute. *she goes back into the room*  
  
(Skimble looks down at himself, straightening his clothes out, when a suitcase sails out of the window and lands smack in the middle of his chest, causing him to fall down.)  
  
Skimble Oof! *the second suitcase lands* OW! WHAT is in these blasted things?  
  
(Jenny closes her eyes and kneels in the windowsill, her back facing the street.)  
  
Skimble: Oh my God….  
  
Jenny: *mumbles* Please don't let me die…*lets herself fall backwards out of the window, landing squarely on Skimbleshanks*  
  
Skimble: *moans*  
  
Jenny: *opens one eye hesitantly* Am I dead?   
  
Mandy: No, that was great, now get back into character!  
  
Jenny: *still on top of Skimble* Skances?  
  
(They both get up and walk….)  
  
Mandy: Ahem, Skimble, get up and walk.  
  
Jenny: *kneeling beside Skimble and shaking him*   
  
Jemima: *screams at Mandy* YOU KILLED HIM!  
  
Skimble: *sits up woozily* No….I'm not dead…  
  
Mandy: *breaths a sigh of relief* Okay, that's a good thing....   
  
Jenny: *glares at Mandy* We could both have been killed!  
  
Mandy: I said I was sorry! Let's just finish this, can we?  
  
(Jemima is upstairs --)  
  
Jemima: Did I ever mention how much I hate stairs...  
  
( -- watching the scene below from her window. Suddenly, Jelly bursts in.)  
  
Jelly: WHERE IS IT? Where's the locket? Give it to me! GIVE IT TO ME!  
  
(Jemima hurriedly starts to take the locket off, when Jelly suddenly notices the elaborate décor of the room.)  
  
Jelly: What's all this? Where did it come from?  
  
Jemima: I don't know, I just woke up and it was here!  
  
Jelly: You stole it, didn't you!? Just like you stole the locket!  
  
Jemima: No!!  
  
Jelly: You're nothing but a little THEIF….it's my duty to protect the children of this school from animals like you!  
  
Jemima: I didn't DO it!  
  
Jelly: Pack your things! You'll be leaving with the authorities VERY SHORTLY! *she leaves, slamming and locking the door behind her*  
  
Jemima: *pounding on the door* NOO! MISS MICHIN, I DIDN'T DO IT!!! I DIDN'T DO IT MISS MINCHIN!!  
  
Tugger: *paws over his ears* Whoa…  
  
Griz: And they accuse ME of overacting!  
  
(In the house next door, Asparagus blindly gets up and shuts the outside glass door of his room. Slowly, he unwraps the bandages from his head, and a clap of thunder is heard outside.)  
  
Mandy: Thanks to Misto for the special effects!  
  
(Scene changes to Jelly talking on the phone.)  
  
Jelly: You heard me! I want her picked up IMMEDIATELY!   
  
(She slams the phone down, then picks up the locket and looks at the smiling faces inside. Her face crumpling in hidden tears again, she throws the necklace down roughly onto the table as another crash of thunder and a flash of lightning comes.)  
  
Munk: Is it just me, or does this woman have some mental issues?  
  
Mac: Talk about your troubled childhood…  
  
Mandy: Yeah. I think she needs therapy….a visit to Dr. Mau would--  
  
Demeter, Munk and Mac: DON'T MENTION THAT AGAIN!  
  
(Scene changes to the inside of Mr. Randolph's house. Gus and Cori are sitting by the fire when Asparagus walks in.)  
  
Gus: Ah, I see you've decided to take the bandages off!  
  
Asparagus: Didn't seem to be much point to it, really. I can see fine.  
  
Gus: Ah, well, come on in and have a brandy.  
  
(Scene changes--)  
  
Misto: AGAIN?  
  
(--to Rumpel and Jemima in the attic.)  
  
Rumpel: Don't worry….Oi'm sure they'll believe yew!  
  
Jemima: *crying* No, Recky, I have to get out!  
  
Rumpel: But 'ow? Moi room's locked too!  
  
(They hug each other, when suddenly the little monkey bursts in through the outside door. Rumpel goes to close it again, when she looks down at the street.)  
  
Rumpel: Look! The police are 'ere!  
  
(The monkey runs along the drainpipe and back into Mr. Randolph's house, seemingly beckoning to Jemima.)  
  
Jemima: Recky, help me with this board!  
  
(They grab a long board lying around in the attic and somehow manage to set it between the ledges of the two houses, creating a shaky bridge of sorts.)  
  
Rumpel: Jemrah, no, it's too dangerous!  
  
Jemima: I have to, Recky. I'll come back for you, I promise. *she hugs Rumpel*  
  
(Jemima starts to walk unsteadily across the wobbling board. She gets a few feet away from the ledge when Jelly bursts in with Macavity, Mungojerrie, Admetus and Plato right behind her.)  
  
Mac: I can't BELIEVE you cast Mungojerrie and I as police officers, of all things…  
  
Mandy: *shrugs* Hey, you were the one complaining about type-casting.  
  
Mac: True.  
  
Jelly: *ignoring the side comments* Oh good Heaviside, what's she DOING? Get back in here!  
  
(Jelly tries to grab onto Jemima's skirt, but she only succeeds in making Jemima slip and almost fall off the board.)  
  
Jemima: *whimpering* Can we please oh please oh PLEASE skip this part? There's absolutely NO WAY I can grab on to that ledge after falling…  
  
Mandy: Okay..this IS pretty dangerous.   
  
Jenny: And jumping out a window isn't?  
  
(Anyway, Jemima eventually gets into the neighboring house.)  
  
Jelly: *to the officers* Don't just STAND there, go next door and FIND her! *grabs Rumpel and shoves her towards them* And take this one, while you're at it!  
  
(Next door, Jemima quickly makes her way downstairs and starts to go out the door when she sees Jellylorum and the officers standing outside. She hides behind a post as Coricopat goes to open the door.)  
  
Jelly: A child from the school has escaped into your house!  
  
Gus: *wheeling towards the door in his wheelchair* Cor Dass, what's going on?  
  
Jelly: I'm sorry, sir, but a child is hiding in your house unlawfully. Check the upstairs rooms!  
  
(Suddenly, the power goes out. While everyone else is running around looking for candles and Jemima, she slips into the parlor, shutting the door behind her. The only light is that from a fire.)  
  
Asparagus: *softly* Is someone there?  
  
(Jemima realizes there's someone else in the room and she's trapped. She backs into a corner and sinks down, hugging her knees to her chest and crying softly.)  
  
Asparagus: *almost whispering* What is it, why are you crying? Please tell me, I won't hurt you….won't you tell me your name?  
  
Jemima: *after a long pause* Jemrah.  
  
Asparagus: Jemrah…that's a very pretty name…  
  
(The lights come back on, and Jemima looks up. She stares at Asparagus, disbelief written on her face.)  
  
Jemima: *whispers* Papa…*she stands up slowly* Papa…  
  
Asparagus: *frowns, puzzled* What did you say?  
  
Jemima: *runs to him and tries to hug him* Papa! Papa it's me, Jemrah! Don't you remember me?  
  
Asparagus: *trying to push her away* I…I'm sorry….do you know me?  
  
Jelly's voice: (offstage) She must be in here!!  
  
Jemima: Papa, Papa it's me! Remember India? *she starts tugging frantically at his coat* Remember Maya, and Emily, and the locket with Mama's picture in it??  
  
Asparagus: *desperately trying to get her off him* No!  
  
(Everyone else in the house comes into the room.)  
  
Jelly: Jemrah!  
  
Jemima: *screaming* Papa, PLEASE!!! Papa TELL THEM!  
  
Gus: Do you know this man?  
  
(Jelly obviously recognizes Asparagus, but shakes her head.)  
  
Jelly: No. This child has no father. Take her away!  
  
Jemima: *as Mungo drags her away* NOOOOO! PAPAAA!!  
  
Asparagus: I'm so sorry….I'm so sorry, I wish I did remember…  
  
(As they drag Jemima away, Coricopat moves to stand next to Asparagus, who seems to be desperately searching his mind for any memory that could help the child. Suddenly, a strange look comes onto his face, and he runs outside where Jemima and Rumpel are being shoved into the police car. He stops right outside the door.)  
  
Asparagus: JEMRAH!  
  
(Everyone freezes for a moment, then Jemima and Asparagus run to each other. He takes her up in her arms in a tight hug.)  
  
Jemima: *crying hysterically* Papa, don't ever leave me!!!  
  
Asparagus: Jemrah! Oh Jemrah, I love you…..  
  
(Jellylorum knows now that things are beyond her control. Casting an envious glance towards Jemima and her father, she slowly walks away.)  
  
(By now, all of the queens and a good part of the toms are bawling hysterically.)  
  
Mandy: *wiping her eyes* We…we can't take a break now…..th…there's….just one more scene left…places, everyone…  
  
(The scene changes to the front of the green house, only now the sign by the door says "The Randolph School for Queens." Asparagus walks over to Gus in his wheelchair, Coricopat standing by his side with the monkey perched on his shoulder.)  
  
Gus: Well well, I hardly recognized you! I'm glad you got everything straightened out.  
  
Asparagus: The government released all my property back to me. I just came to say goodbye, and thank you for everything you've done for me. *he shakes Gus' paw*  
  
Gus: It was no more than you tried to do for my son.  
  
Asparagus: *glances to Coricopat* Thank you….  
  
(Cori smiles, then nods in the direction that laughter is coming from. Asparagus turns and smiles, walking over to where Jemima and the other school girls are crowded, except for Victoria and Demeter, who are standing by the steps. Jemima and Rumpel are both dressed in bright yellow frocks.)  
  
Jemima: I have a surprise for you all…*she holds out her doll to Etcetera*  
  
Etcetera: Emily! *takes the doll and hugs her*  
  
Jemima: Whenever you hug Emily, you'll really be getting a hug from me.  
  
Electra: Then we'll hug her every day…*steps foreward and hugs Jemima tightly*  
  
(Jemima pauses a moment, then walks over to Victoria. The two stand facing each other for a moment. Suddenly, Victoria reaches forward and hugs Jemima tightly. Jemima returns the hug, then pulls away and touches the fur on Victoria's head. They both giggle at the 'curse'.)  
  
Victoria: *mutters* I HOPE that was just a fluke that my fur came out….  
  
Mandy: *says nothing but shifts nervously*  
  
(Asparagus walks up and takes Jemima and Rumpel each by the paw. They get into a carraige and drive away, with the queens waving to them.)  
  
Tugger: *eagerly* Is it over now?  
  
Mandy: Nope, one more short scene.  
  
Tugger: But you said that was the last one!  
  
Mandy: I lied. Get over it.  
  
Jemima: What are YOU complaining about, anyway? You didn't have to be IN almost every scene..  
  
Tugger: No, but I had to WATCH!  
  
Mandy: ONE more scene, people, can't we do this ONE more scene? Just...just HUSH!   
  
(Scene changes to Jelly, dressed in rags and covered in soot. She's holding a chimney brush and watching Jemima, Rumpelteazer, and Asparagus leave in a carraige.)  
  
Pouncival: *whistles sharply*  
  
Jelly: Yeah, I'm comin', I'm comin'.  
  
Pounce: I've been lookin' for you, Minchin, now pick up the buckets and get back to work!  
  
Jelly: When do I get my break? *picks up a coal bucket and walks off, muttering* Whaddya put in here, rocks?  
  
Mandy: And that's a wrap!  
  
Cats: *cheer tiredly*  
  
Mandy: *brightly* All right, everyone, go home and make sure you get plenty of rest. The cast list for Anne of Green Gables should be up by next week!  
  
Pouncival: And there was much rejoicing.  
  
Cats: *VERY unenthusiastically wave little flags* Yay.  
  
(And so, the cats exit, most of them limping slightly and/or rubbing various wounds they received during the production. Pouncival runs back in after everyone else is gone and holds up a cardboard sign that reads.....)  
  


THEEND  
  
p  
  



End file.
